for everyone out there who has ever hurt themselves, thought about/attempted suicide or just been depressed, you are NOT alone!!!!! i'm posting this discussion so you can share your stories, like i'll share mine.
my name is kaitlyn and i've been cutting for 2 years. it all started when my sister was sexually assaulted, and she got preganant. and when i heard about it, it was like the fairytale world i had built up for myself and lived in had started to crack. then my sister lost her baby, after pressing charges. i felt so aweful. i thought that no one would ever hurt me or my family or my friends. and to know that something can happen, just made everything start to shatter. then my best friend just ditched me one day for 'popular people' and told everyone my secrets. i had a hard time gettin over that. then i feel in love for the first time. he was the sweetest guy, until he started sleeping around, because i wouldnt. so it broke my heart. and if that wasnt enough, my best friend was basically on the path to death, because of a drastic concussion. my parents never paid any attention to me, my distant family has their assortment of problems and i just felt like i wasnt good enough anymore. so i cut. to ease the pain and escape my world. cutting seemed to make it better at first, but after i did it, i felt disgusted. i couldnt believe i was so weak! i wanted out, but i didnt know who to tell. i didnt trust anyone and its like an addiction. i always had to do it. finally, one of my distant friends, that i occasionally talked to saw one of my scars when we were dressing out for gym. she reported it, and i got sent to guidance. my parents started caring more and they sought out to get me therapy. therapy=twice a week for 3 months. it was aweful. once my parents had taken the razor blades away, i desperately needed to do it, to escape. and i was going through 'withdrawal'. it was a long and hard process that took a lot of my middle school/high school years. but im glad im done.
not all stories are happy, but they can turn out good. i still see my therapist once a month for a checkup on how im doing. im still healing but im glad its over. and i want to help as many people going through the same things i did. it took me a long time to tell this story, but im getting more courage. just let it all out.
Well I know this might be real late but in sixth grade my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was upset, I never showed it but I was. I lied to everyone, everyday I thought about suicide. I was depressed and i had OCD which is a terrible combo. I was planning on running away, I had everything planned out. Then I found another solution, cutting. I cut for a time but soon quit because I found people were getting suspicious. Then I went back to suicide. Then I found music. Ever since I started listening to Paramore and Never Shout Never I have been ok, which I had heard of them but I didnt "fall in love" with them until 7th grade. Now I'm happy most of the time. I still have my moments but I'm not as bad as I used to be. I have not told anyone other than 2 people this so it takes a lot to write this and I congratulate everyone who has stopped cutting or is not suicidal anymore and thos of you who are still going through it I give support to because I know where they are coming from...
I invited her to our table, she's a year younger than my friends and I. It was a little awkward at first because she didn't want to really talk. The next day she went back to her same spot, and I invited her back. As she was walking to our table, she broke out a smile! It made my day :) She sits with us now, and warmed up to us a bit. It's going really well, she's not afraid to join into our conversations, she's really sweet too :D I'm glad I did it!
ive been cutting for only a year. and at first it was exciting in a sick way. i felt like i was strong. like i culd do something everyone else was scared to do. it was after my parents divorced and we moved to north dakota, one of the worst places ive ever lived. a lot of shit has happened but its not about me. but i feel disgusted now about it. everything is just way out of wack. i am on meds and see a therapist but its just hard. my mom found out about it and she has helped but its difficult. ive stopped for a while but always end up doing it again. im on a loooong road to recovery
@ruffles:
i feel alot like you seem to. alone. but just find what makes you happy and do it. friends will come easier if you just relax and be yourself. it sounds cheesy but ive moved quite a few times and thats what ive learned. hope it helps!
i know this is a little late but
@Haley
go up and talk to her.
thats how i feel everyday at lunch and school in general. except nobody goes up to talk to the lonely person..
anyways i dont think im depressed. i think im just sad all the time. cause im sorta happy at home. cause i have family. its just i dont have friends. new school, city, extremely shy. so yea. been going through that a while. feeling alone about two years now. ive only thought about suicide. never attempted it. dont really want to but in the other hand i want to. i dont know how i can feel so alone when i have family. i just do.
I have never been officially diagnosed with depression or anything, but I have been in the state where I have felt like it.
I don't really have a huge back story, except for the fact that I was constantly bullied for a number of years. I lost friends to other groups and life pretty much sucked for a while.
I stood up for myself after a while, and everything and everyone started to back off. But for some reason later on down that track, it caught back up to me & life began to suck yet again.
Now, I have a great group of friends & I'm smiling more often.
Well, that was my little story. If anyone wants to talk or anything, I'm up for a chat :)
@AustraliaNeedsMoreParamore!xx
Thanks for the advice, I'll see if she's there Monday :)
@Haley - I'll answer your question :)
But it depends, on what YOU think YOU should do. Its never a bad thing to go up to talk to someone who looks lonely. Because 9 times out of 10 they want a friend. So be kind to her, speak to her in class but dont make it obviouse that you feel sorry for her. But at the end of the day, its your decission if you do or not. She might turn out to be a friend you will have for life, or someone that will just drag you down. Either way you wont know until you try, Good luck - i hope i helped. :)
Hi, I have a question.
I have never been through any sort of depression, but I see other people who are going though them. There is this girl in my school that I see all the time. I have no idea who she is, but at lunch, she always sits in the same corner all by herself. She looks like she's younger than me. I keep debating with myself if I should invite her to sit with my friends and I, or if I shouldn't. I'm asking because I'm not sure if she just wants to be alone.
sorry, everybody. i havent been on in a while.
@mirandalovesyou
i know, from experience, that the road to recovery is a long one and its extremely hard. im keeping you in my prayers. do you think u could give me updates on your progress?
all that stupid stuff..
i didn't do it..
if you wanna die, cut your wrist with a BIG BIG steel knife.
that's how it goes.
don't waste your lives..
seize the day :)
I cut myself for the first time in sixth grade because I was so angry and frustrated that I didn't know what else to do. (I have OCD, and at the time it was kinda bad, and I had to re-read and re-write everything I did, so it would take me forever to do a simple homework assignment and I was failing most of my classes.) I didn't think much of it, and just kinda forgot about it.
Then I went into a deep depression that winter and was self injuring on a daily basis. That went on for a few months, and I was so tired of everything I just wanted to give up. I planned my suicide, wrote notes and all that shit.
I never did end up killing myself that year (which is a whole different story.) and I just went on with life. Then seventh grade I dont even know what happened because I don't remember seventh grade that well, even though it was just last year. Then I was suicidal again so my parents took me to the hospital and I was there for five days, and I lied to all my doctors and convinced them that I was fine (even though I wasn't) So I could go home.
Then some time passed and then I got worse, and I went back to the hospital about four weeks ago. Now I'm out of there and have been self injury free for 37 days now (which is a reaaaally long time for me.) But ever since I've stopped cutting I feel like something inside me is missing, so I started binging, then going for awhile without eating, then binge again than not eat and so on. Soooo yeah that's going on now so my story is still in the process of getting written I guess lol.
And congratulations to anybody who sat there and bothered to read all of that.
@yelyahsandy
lol...
Yeah; said fakers piss me off more than Sarah Palin
@yelyahsandy @violet cullen
i agree with what both of you are syaing and that was one of the points i was trying to get out. but i DO know that there are a lot of fakers out there. and it makes me sad.
*changing topic*
i have an update. i've been clean for 6 months!!! (as of yesterday)
@laner
im really happy to hear it. with the help of outsiders, its better than trying to handle things on your own. :)
ive been seriosly depressed for about 3 years i constanly cut myself but im starting to overcome it ive got new freinds and music has always help me calm down and stsrt to smile
The music method isn't really for people in a serious, suicidal depression; don't think it'd work for those situations...
@violet
Exactly.
I'm more of a "bottle it up until I implode like a grenade" type of person while, for example, my mom has a very low emotional threshold.
Sure, get into little depressed moods; but that's mainly due to hormones *shrug*
Sure, I probably have more reasons to be miserable than most peeps, but, some people learn to build a little "emotional wall"
Not saying if you don't you're a bad person or anything like that; just saying people are different.
Yeah, I reckon kids with their families divorcing prolly sucks egg rolls as well; i wouldn't know VERY well, but I can kinda sympathize in a crazy way ;)
Then of course; people wonder why we live just to die, whatevs, whatevs. I do that too sometimes, to be honest. Then I think of friends... and well, paramore.
Personally, I've never seriously contemplated suicide; the thought lasts for seconds, and is shot down immediately with the fact of how t would fuck everyone up. I may have a low ego; but I'm not an idiot.
Not sayin suicidal people are idiots necessarily... they just need serious help.
Personally, I always think it could always be worse; works for me.
Now, I know if you're depressed, you don't want to listen to peppy cheerful songs... as crazy as this sounds... work your way up to depressing songs, semi depressing songs, moderate paced songs... ya get it? Let's use para-songs as an example...
[Brighter (depressing to ME! haha), Misguided Ghosts, My Heart, Careful,Brick By Boring Brick, For A Pessimist, Feeling Sorry, Fences, Miracle, Born For This, Looking Up.]
Sound crazy? Well, that's my therapy method, as psycho as it might sounds... do ya get the point though? Working your way up the cheerful music way...
No?
Might feel ridiculous, but I'd give it a shot, you can choose the songs, doesn't have to be in that order or those songs, just work it up until you'e reached the desired tempo of happy music.
I'm such a dork :p
@paramoreluver284 @C'mon Chickens
I understand both of your points but honestly, it depends on the person. People do overreact to things and sometimes need to grow up a bit but a divorce is a hard thing for alot of people. Whether you personally found it easy/hard, thats for you.
Others have similar situations but just remember, we're all diffrent. The littlest thing, like a dead cat, can have a huge impact on people. I do think thats a bit like crying over spilled milk but like I said, its just the way I see it.
It's not like I dont agree with y'all, its just the way I thought about it. Some people have lower limits on how much they can take, others have higher. Personally, it takes alot for me to explode but my friend Allie cries about every little thing. Not saying thats a bad thing, its just how she deals.
Just thought I'd put my two sense in. :)
it's great you're telling us about this. i mean, we are parafamily. we don't have to go through our problems alone.
i am in depression, but i think that slowly everything's with me getting better. i mean, i realized that life always can change. it's not just the one road. in one day everything can change. we don't know when our lifes will begin.
all we need in our lifes is sense. sense of being, sense of waking up, sense of trying, sense of loosing. we have to have something that it's worth to live. without it, we are nothing.
@without heart-emanuel
i made this discussion so we can talk/offer support to people who rly need it. can u please not spam it with your story?
i'm happy , realy hurtless is the only thing that the complex sense that i had try to say , but in back these no matter ......
this is the best take good care
count the lucky skars.. your little .. this up with a beard ..
in his next life my friend...
and for all wishes you giving me i tought to hunt been the prey
@NJis4hustla$
thank u so much. im so happy at my recovery i just want everyone to have a happy ending like me. :)
i just want to say paramoreluver to keep your head up and i know life isnt easy but thats why we are here in my opinion.were here to learn,to make mistakes,to experience love,hate,happiness,sadness...just try to remember that there is always someone who has it worse than you do.live your life the way you want to and make the best out of everyday.
yeah it is. i wish some people in my family would get a divorce. i believe that they would be a lot happier seperated then together.
I agree with you. It's sad when anybody get a divorce, but my mum and dad did and I'm so happy that they didn't stay together. Like I've said, sometime it's the best thing that can happen.
oh, and im not saying that divorce isnt a serious thing, because it is. but i dont believe its the only reason for killing/cutting yourself.
yeah that really is a big issue i've had with people at my school. i talked to someone yesterday who said 'i feel depressed' and i asked them why. they said 'my parents are getting divorced and my boyfriend broke up with me'. i was like 'really?' until they go through what you and me and everyone else has gone through, then they wont ever know what true depression is.
Has what happened to me? Has somebody I love been sent to the front line? No. But things have happened to me, to me directly that destroy some people. I'm not talking
about the things I've said on here, but other things. Things that I've had to get through, and that's why it annoys me, and actually offends me so much when ignorant people winge about their cat being run over, or an argument when a friend.
You don't understand what I'm sayng. I'm not talking about the people who might be hiding a deeper story, I'm talking about the people who claim to be depressed of stupid and irrelevant things. The people who are actually saying they want to kill themselves because of an issue that can be resolved. Not the people who genuinely have something to be depressed about.
@NJis4hustla$
oh my God. i think your story made me cry. wow. i have considered death a lot, but have never did something with the intention or dying. im happy that your not giving up and that you want to keep on living. :)
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