Hey guys,

Matt here. I watched Hayley and Josh's rendition of Loretta Lynn's "You Ain't Woman Enough", and all of a sudden a story popped up in my head. It's random-ass and funny, and I thought I might as well post it :D. I wrote this the past hour or two, so there hasn't been much editing.

It's outrageously random (a bit), but I think you guys will love it. It's called "Over My Dead Body".

Over My Dead Body
A Kiwi Productions Random Short Story for Paramore
By Kiwi Productions
(Matthew Co)

‘Look, Joey, I don’t give a damn about what the hell your mother wants you- oh, for- damnit, THAT CAN WAIT! GET OVER HERE, WILLYA? THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN-’ A pause. ‘Oh, for chrissakes…’

 Matthew Corschach flipped his cell shut as he sighed.

‘What was all that about, man?’

Corschach’s brown eyes glared at the man who had spoken for a second. He stopped and shook his head.

‘Joey’s out of the game, Larry,’ Corschach replied. ‘Seriously. You’d think there’d be more of the brothers here to help us with this operation.’

Larry gave this a bit of thought, his short brown hair splitting in half for a few seconds as his fingertips scratched his scalp.

‘You’d think there was no way this situation should be happening,’ he pointed out. ‘Me, you, and the rest of the dojo.’

Larry’s black-cloth-padded thumb pointed behind him to the five dozen or so fellows dressed in similar garb hanging out on the lawn, chatting amongst each other. Corschach shrugged.

‘It’s insane, I know. Ever since Hayley Williams sung “You Ain’t Woman Enough”, those Chad Gilbert fans have been fuming. You heard what the intel on Facebook said.’

Larry nodded.

‘Those crazy New Found Glory fans took Hayley’s words of “over my dead body” during that song too literally. They want her dead so they can have Chad.’ He spat. ‘Ain’t no way we’re letting that happen.’

Corschach smiled as he checked his six-bullet revolver.

‘We’re ninjas,’ he replied. ‘Of course we ain’t letting that happen. These Chad fans won’t know what hit ‘em when they step onto the Holy Turf.’

Larry nodded. After all, they were all assembled outside Hayley’s house. He swallowed.

‘I’m still nervous about this, though,’ he confided. ‘Apparently, they outnumber us one to two. And that’s just counting the gays and the people in wheelchairs.’

‘They’re bringing wheelchairs?’ Corschach wondered aloud. He brandished his pistol. ‘Excellent. I could use the target practice.’

Larry chuckled.

‘You’re one of the legendary Ninja-Pirates, man,’ he said. ‘Hayley herself taught ya. We’re ninjas, and the intel reckons they’re gonna be pirates. You’re better than both pirates and ninjas-’ Larry was interrupted as one of the ninjas yelled something. A warning.

‘Smell that?’ Corschach asked Larry suddenly, sniffing the air. ‘Pirate filth.’

‘I think you're smelling yourself, man,’ Larry joked. He would’ve added something else when there was a loud metallic screech from down the street.

All the ninjas looked to find that the NFG mob had arrived. Each of them drew their katanas. Corschach drew his and held his pistol in his other hand. His eyes peered down at the countless fans. By God! How many were there?

Larry looked closer. They were sending in their wheelchairs first – a long, unified line of wheelchairs rolling in unison.

‘My God,’ he breathed. ‘They’ve put scythes on their wheelchairs!?’

Corschach sighed and prepared himself. The time had come.

‘Brothers!’ he yelled as the line of wheelchairs began to make their charge. ‘Today we fight for the insanely cute little minx that is Hayley Williams!’ The Ninja-Pirate swallowed. The wheelchairs were now within a hundred meters. ‘While we draw breath, Hayley will NOT come to harm!’

This was met by loud cheers as the rest of the Chad fans began to get closer. Seventy-five meters. Seventy. Sixty-five.

‘BROTHERS!’ Corschach roared. ‘They come for Hayley’s blood… BUT THEY SHALL DROWN IN THEIR OWN!’

When the wheelchairs reached twenty-five meters away from Hayley’s house, they were shocked when sixty-odd black-clothed figures being led by a man in the same attire but wearing a pirate bandana suddenly materialized out of thin air on the road and charged towards their ranks.

Corschach’s pistol barked loudly as he charged. Each of the six shots in his revolver disabled each of the wheels of the charging wheelchairs, stopping the NFG mob’s charge dead in its tracks. No time to reload, he leapt at the closest scythed wheelchair driver, yelling:

‘HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!’

He swung his katana at his poor victim’s neck, roaring his bloodthirsty roar, and-

**********

-In a fancy hotel in New Zealand, halfway across the world, Hayley Williams woke.

She rubbed her eyes, trying to recall what it was she had just woken from. She shook her head and went to the toilet.

About thirty minutes later, she found Josh, Jeremy, Taylor and Zac hanging around on the stairs down to the breakfast buffet.

‘Wow - what happened to ya, Hayleyball?’ Jeremy inquired. ‘It’s like you’ve seen a ghost or somethin’.’

Hayley just shrugged.

‘Oh, it’s nothin’,’ she replied nervously. ‘Just… just had a weird dream about pirates and ninjas and... and ninja-pirates, ‘sall.’

The four guys simply gave her strange looks before shrugging and making their way down to breakfast.

‘Y’know, I always wanted to be a ninja,’ Jeremy piped up.

‘I’d be a pirate…' Taylor added, '...but I get sea-sick.'

Hayley drew in a sharp nervous breath. Perhaps it would be for the better if she didn’t tell them about the bandanna, the black ninja suit, the katana and the empty revolver she’d found under her pillow that morning.

Well, I hope you enjoyed it!

Writer's Note: Yes, Corschach is me. In this short story. By the way, Hayley (in the real world) in this story ISN'T a Ninja-Pirate (although I reckon she would be :D). She's just suddenly found those items under her pillow with no idea of how they got there :D

Also, I kinda garnered from Jeremy, Taylor and Zac's interview with The Edge (It's on YouTube) while in NZ that Jeremy would like to be a ninja and Taylor a pirate, but I could be wrong. Correct me if I'm wrong here. :D